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Most sex games are safe and harmless, but partners need to openly discuss and agree beforehand on what they are comfortable doing.” “I was just astounded,” says Fremont mom Teri Topham. ” But school board members contend that 9 grade students have already been exposed to the contents of the book—and much, much more.They argue that even relatively modern sex ed has even not begun to reckon with what kids are now exposed to in person and online.

(While acknowledging this, the book’s author Sara L. Mackenzie, believes it’s appropriate for high schoolers; her children read it at 13.) The book has been shelved, at least for this year. The Fremont showdown is a local skirmish in what has become a complicated and exhausting battle that schools and parents are facing across the nation. TIME reviewed the leading research on the subject as well as currently available resources to produce the information that follows, as well as specific guides to how and when to talk to kids on individual topics.And that’s the soft stuff: A national sample study of 1,500 10 to 17-year-olds showed that about half of those that use the Internet had been exposed to online porn in the last year.How do you learn appropriateness and consent in a culture where Beyoncé’s song about pleasuring a guy in a car is championed by some as feminist and others as lewd?Their target: a sex-ed book published by Mc Graw Hill.It offers the traditional advice and awkward diagrams plus some considerably more modern tips: a how-to for asking partners if they’ve been tested for STDs, a debate on legalizing prostitution.

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